do you tend to focus on what you can control

Life gives us many choices - without a doubt.  Today as we wrap up our month long conversations on the Master Mind Principle of Self Control with Money I believe it is important to look at the piece around money and forgiveness.  

The power of forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves - on so many levels. Yet because of the makeup of our human psyche and the way it operates, forgiveness can be one of the most challenging tasks to accomplish. If we feel our values and beliefs have been compromised when we have given our all, the result can be a feeling of bitter disappointment.   

According to Webster’s Dictionary, forgive means:  “To cease to feel resentment against; to grant remission of an offense, debt, fine or penalty; to pardon.”  

I believe that when we totally forgive a misdeed from a person or incident that has occurred in our past, we are in fact ready to let go of the control of a situation in which we either had no control to begin with or somehow lost control along the way. The bottom-line is that as much as me would like to control the way that all things happen in this world, we can’t. Especially when dealing with another human being or the constantly flowing element of money.  

What we can do is accept and embrace the outcome. Learning from the result can be much more valuable than staying in a place of resentment.

Here is what I have found to be the true test for myself to see if I have fully let go of something and have truly forgiven something or someone (including myself) that has hurt me in some way or fashion.  

As simple as this may seem, it’s when I can stop and realize that the pain of the damaging situation just doesn’t affect me anymore in a negative way. In other words, when I can hear the persons name who may have hurt me and/or remember the incident – especially around money - and it just doesn’t bring up a lot of negative stuff in my head.  In fact, it just really doesn’t matter to me anymore… other than the lesson learned from it.  

It’s beyond difficult to get past something and forgive when you are clobbering yourself over that head about it on a regular basis. Negativity feeds off of negativity. But all it takes is a small act of positivity to flip the script and begin to grow from the experience. 

Maria Nemeth in her book, The Energy of Money, has a forgiveness exercise based on a meditation you can do around the process.

The meditation has three questions you can ask of the person/incident you are having a hard time forgiving as you envision the person or thing sitting in front of you:  

  1. Are you willing to forgive this person/incident totally?
  2. Are you willing to forgive this person/incident absolutely?
  3. Are you willing to forgive this person/incident unconditionally?

This past week I listened to a great interview with Brene Brown (who I love) and her words fit in beautifully when putting the idea of getting past and forgiving mistakes and she said:  “If you are not in the arena on a regular basis getting your ass kicked I am not interested in your feedback.”  

Here is the interview with Brene Brown (and Chase Jarvis): 

So while that ass kicking can hurt from time to time – it is how we learn and grow.  And the act of forgiveness allows us to carry on and live our life fully.  

Have some tips that have worked for you around forgiveness? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Here is to Your Successes and Victories,

- Cheri

Cheri Ruskus 
Author, Business Growth Coach, 
and Founder of the Victory Circles